Marrige, Divorce and Remarriage

Marriage did not originate from the head of a man or the halls of human government; marriage is a gift from the heart of a loving Father. And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Gen. 2:18) God instituted marriage to be between one man and one woman. (Gen. 2:24) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: [not wives] and they shall be one flesh. In addition, marriage consists of a formal covenant and a legal contract between a husband and his wife. God demonstrated this for us in His marriage to Israel…Turn, O backsliding children, saith the LORD; for I am married unto you: and I will take you one of a city, and two of a family, and I will bring you to Zion: (Jer.3:14) “Now when I passed by thee, and looked upon thee, behold, thy time was the time of love; and I spread my skirt over thee, and covered thy nakedness: yea, I sware unto thee, and entered into a covenant with thee, saith the Lord GOD, and thou becamest mine.” (Ezek. 16:8)

Before I proceed, we would do well to remember how we are to study this and every other subject in the Word of God… “RIGHTLY DIVIDED” (II Tim. 2:15). Although the institution of marriage has never changed with God throughout His dealings with mankind, the regulations governing marriage, divorce and remarriage have. Failure to rightly divide the word of truth requires that one resort to certain hermeneutical techniques (word studies, history and customs) to determine the correct interpretation of a verse or verses in the Bible. I agree with the theologian who said, “If you torture the text long enough, it will confess anything". No texts in the Bible have been subjected to more torture and yielded more contradictory confessions than the verses dealing with marriage, divorce and remarriage.

The most helpful way we can study marriage, divorce and remarriage is to reconstruct the regulations governing them in each dispensation. Understanding that God has in fact made changes in His dealings with mankind means you are well on your way to having your eyes opened to the “revelation of the mystery”.

· Eph. 3:1-9 For this cause I Paul, the prisoner of Jesus Christ for you Gentiles, 2: If ye have heard of the dispensation of the grace of God which is given me to youward: 3: How that by revelation he made known unto me the mystery; (as I wrote afore in few words, 4: Whereby, when ye read, ye may understand my knowledge in the mystery of Christ) 5: Which in other ages was not made known unto the sons of men, as it is now revealed unto his holy apostles and prophets by the Spirit; 6: That the Gentiles should be fellowheirs, and of the same body, and partakers of his promise in Christ by the gospel: 7: Whereof I was made a minister, according to the gift of the grace of God given unto me by the effectual working of his power. 8: Unto me, who am less than the least of all saints, is this grace given, that I should preach among the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ; 9: And to make all men see what is the fellowship of the mystery, which from the beginning of the world hath been hid in God, who created all things by Jesus Christ.)

The reason for confusion on any subject in the Bible is a result of taking away the key of knowledge.

• Luke 11:52 Woe unto you, lawyers! for ye have taken away the key of knowledge: ye entered not in yourselves, and them that were entering in ye hindered.

This “key of knowledge” is identified in the next chapter. The leaders did not know the time (dispensation) in which they were living.

• Luke 12:56 Ye hypocrites, ye can discern the face of the sky and of the earth; but how is it that ye do not discern this time?

Understanding “the time” or “rightly dividing the word of truth” is the key of knowledge that makes the Bible make sense. Some well meaning Bible teachers will use Hebrews 13:8… “Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever” to convince you that Jesus has been doing the same thing throughout the history of mankind. However, that is not what the verse says. It says Jesus is the same but it does not say that He is doing the same thing throughout time.

Old Testament Marriage Distinctives (Pre-law and Under Mosaic Law)

The regulations that follow show how God changes His directives concerning marriage as the history of man progresses throughout the Bible.

• Genesis 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

This describes the ideal marriage---a man and a woman living in intimate communion with God and each other. But as you know, the fall into sin and resulting expulsion from Eden ended that ideal marriage. From that point on, marriage became a combination of work as well as pleasure. God reveals the details of just how Adam and Eve ruined their relationship with Him and each other. We all know that Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and lost their relationship with God. But we overlook what caused them to damage their relationship with each other, even though it is a part of the Divine record.

• Gen. 3: 6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
• Gen. 3:12 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.
• Gen. 3:17 And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;

Adam and Eve reversed the roles God established for husbands and wives in marriage: the husband a loving leader, protector and provider and the wife a respectful, submissive helper. However, in the Garden, Eve took the lead and Adam agreed to follow. This role reversal was displeasing to God. However, even after Eve had eaten the forbidden fruit, Adam had options. He could have waited for his “Head”(Jesus Christ) and sought His counsel. We know that God has always made a provision for sin. We see this provision for sin in the following passage of Scripture:

• Numbers 30: 6-8 And if she had at all an husband, when she vowed, or uttered ought out of her lips, wherewith she bound her soul; 7: And her husband heard it, and held his peace at her in the day that he heard it: then her vows shall stand, and her bonds wherewith she bound her soul shall stand. 8: But if her husband disallowed her on the day that he heard it; then he shall make her vow which she vowed, and that which she uttered with her lips, wherewith she bound her soul, of none effect: and the LORD shall forgive her.

Reversing marriage roles laid the foundation for eating the forbidden fruit. God warned that this unhealthy tension between husband and wife would continue.

• Gen. 3: 16-17 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. 17: And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;

Before the Mosaic Law, God set forth some distinct marriage rules. The most surprising is that of marriage between close blood relatives. The correct answer to the question, "Where did Cain get his wife?" is clear if one believes the Bible. He married one of his sisters. (Genesis 4:17) The only possible spouses available at that time were Adam and Eve's children and they married each other. Even Abraham married his half sister.

• Genesis 20:12 And yet indeed she is my sister; she is the daughter of my father, but not the daughter of my mother; and she became my wife.

Now this particular rule of marriage changed when the Mosaic Law was instituted. Leviticus 18 gives the new rules concerning marriage between blood relatives and in-laws. They had previously been allowed, now under Mosaic Law God changed His rules and they were now forbidden.

• Lev. 18:6 None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the LORD.

There are two other rules of marriage that were common both before and after the Law: The first was that marriages were commonly arranged by the parents. Sometimes the daughter was even given as a reward for service rendered.

• Genesis 24:4 But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.
• 1 Samuel 18:17 And Saul said to David, Behold my elder daughter Merab, her will I give thee to wife: only be thou valiant for me, and fight the LORD'S battles.

The second common rule concerned marrying a dead brother's wife, if he left no children.

• Genesis 38:8 And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.
• Deuteronomy 25:5 If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her.

Marriage under Mosaic Law

Mosaic Law has its own set of distinct marriage rules. Although God did not direct some of the following methods of getting a wife, He did permit them:

1. A man could catch a wife.

• Judges 21:21 And see, and, behold, if the daughters of Shiloh come out to dance in dances, then come ye out of the vineyards, and catch you every man his wife of the daughters of Shiloh, and go to the land of Benjamin.

2. A man could buy a wife.

• Hosea 3:2 So I bought her to me for fifteen pieces of silver, and for an homer of barley, and an half homer of barley:

3. A man could take a wife from unmarried women captured during war.

• Deuteronomy 21:11 And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife;

4. A man could have multiple wives.

• II Samuel 5:13 And David took him more concubines and wives out of Jerusalem, after he was come from Hebron: and there were yet sons and daughters born to David.

God did not send His prophets or priests to reprove the people who obtained their wives through the above referenced methods. However, David was reproved for taking another man’s wife; and Solomon was reproved for marrying "strange" women. These strange women were Gentiles from the surrounding heathen nations and not part of the nation of Israel. Deuteronomy 7:3 Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.4 For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.

5. Jewish men and women were required to marry within the Nation of Israel (except the situation of Num 31:18).

• Deut. 7:2-3 And when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them: 3 Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.

6. In the event a man and his wife had daughters but no sons, a daughter was required to marry within the extended family of her father for the purpose of maintaining the inheritance in the family.

• Num. 36:8 And every daughter, that possesseth an inheritance in any tribe of the children of Israel, shall be wife unto one of the family of the tribe of her father, that the children of Israel may enjoy every man the inheritance of his fathers.

7. A man could not pursue a married woman.

• Ex. 20:17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

Some Christians contend that because the sex act “consummates” a marriage, then marriage ceremonies are merely religious contrivances and have nothing to do with pleasing God. “Where in the Bible do we have a wedding ceremony” they ask? As noted above, I see that God entered into a covenant with Israel before marrying her. And by the way, where in the Bible are we told how to “have sex”. Since my wife and I have eight children with us on earth and two with the Lord, we obviously figured it out. Sex before marriage is an act of fornication. Under Mosaic Law, if a man committed fornication with a woman, who was not already promised to be married, he was required to marry her-- if the girl’s father did not object to the marriage. Therefore, having sex with someone does not mean that you are married to them.

• Ex. 22:16-17 And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife. 17 If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins.

Divorce and Remarriage under Mosaic Law

Before the Mosaic Law there was marriage but no specific mention of divorce or "putting away” recorded in Scripture. There probably was divorce but God hadn't given any rules concerning it at that point.

• Matthew 24: 38 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark,

Divorce is the formal, legal ending of the marriage covenant. Divorce is not part of the original plan of God; however, the Bible does recognize, allow and regulate it.

In spite of the solemn, marriage covenant God had made with Israel, she (as a nation) continually went astray to play the harlot; they went a whoring after other gods.

• Deut. 31:16 And the LORD said unto Moses, Behold, thou shalt sleep with thy fathers; and this people will rise up, and go a whoring after the gods of the strangers of the land, whither they go to be among them, and will forsake me, and break my covenant which I have made with them.

God repeatedly judged Israel for her abominations.

• Ezek. 23:28 For thus saith the Lord GOD; Behold, I will deliver thee into the hand of them whom thou hatest, into the hand of them from whom thy mind is alienated: 29 And they shall deal with thee hatefully, and shall take away all thy labour, and shall leave thee naked and bare: and the nakedness of thy whoredoms shall be discovered, both thy lewdness and thy whoredoms. 30 I will do these things unto thee, because thou hast gone a whoring after the heathen, and because thou art polluted with their idols.

God was so provoked with Israel that He even came to the point that He divorced her!

• Jer. 3:8-9 And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also. 9 And it came to pass through the lightness of her whoredom, that she defiled the land, and committed adultery with stones and with stocks.

There was a 3-step process in a legal divorce:

• Deut. 24:1-2 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.

1) A written document that is deliberate and binding. It required action that a person “complete the paperwork” to write her a bill of divorcement.

2) The paper is personally served.

3) She leaves his home.

1. A Jewish man could marry a woman that had been captured in war if she was a virgin; he could also let her go if he lost his delight in her:

• Deuteronomy 21:10 When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and the LORD thy God hath delivered them into thine hands, and thou hast taken them captive,11 And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife;12 Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house; and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails;13 And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife.14 And it shall be, if thou have no delight in her, then thou shalt let her go whither she will; but thou shalt not sell her at all for money, thou shalt not make merchandise of her, because thou hast humbled her.

Numbers 31:18 But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves. These young virgins became proselytes to Judaism thus making them acceptable and no longer a "strange woman". God had forbidden the Jews to marry a strange woman. If the captured wife did not live up to her husband's expectation, she was free to go whither she will.

2. A man could divorce his wife if he found some uncleanness in her.

· Deuteronomy 24:1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.

• Leviticus 20:10 And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.
  

• Deuteronomy 22:21 Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you . This verse is a reference to a woman having been found not to be a virgin on her wedding night. The chapter goes on to say that if the new bridegroom slanders his wife and says that she was not a virgin when she actually was, then he loses his right to divorce her for "some uncleanness." He cannot put her away for as long as she lives.

“Some uncleanness” gave the husband wide latitude. Apparently she could be divorced for being a nag or being lazy. There is no mention of adultery or fornication as a reason to divorce because under the Law, the penalty was death. It is also worth noting that divorce is permitted by the husband but not the wife.

3. A woman was prohibited from remarrying her first husband if her second husband died.

• Deuteronomy 24:3 And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.

This woman was not allowed to remarry her first husband if she had married another man after the divorce. To do so would have been an abomination to the Lord.

4. Sometimes divorce was required. During the days of Ezra, Jewish men had married “strange” women. This was forbidden by law. The following verses give us the corrective step that needed to be taken in order to get right with God:

• Ezra 10:1 Now when Ezra had prayed, and when he had confessed, weeping and casting himself down before the house of God, there assembled unto him out of Israel a very great congregation of men and women and children: for the people wept very sore.2 And Shechaniah the son of Jehiel, one of the sons of Elam, answered and said unto Ezra, We have trespassed against our God, and have taken strange wives of the people of the land: yet now there is hope in Israel concerning this thing.3 Now therefore let us make a covenant with our God to put away all the wives, and such as are born of them, according to the counsel of my lord, and of those that tremble at the commandment of our God; and let it be done according to the law.7 And they made proclamation throughout Judah and Jerusalem unto all the children of the captivity, that they should gather themselves together unto Jerusalem;10 And Ezra the priest stood up, and said unto them, Ye have transgressed, and have taken strange wives, to increase the trespass of Israel.11 Now therefore make confession unto the LORD God of your fathers, and do his pleasure: and separate yourselves from the people of the land, and from the strange wives.16 And the children of the captivity did so. And Ezra the priest, with certain chief of the fathers, after the house of their fathers, and all of them by their names, were separated, and sat down in the first day of the tenth month to examine the matter.17 And they made an end with all the men that had taken strange wives by the first day of the first month.

According to verse 10 these men divorced their wives and sent them and their children away. In so doing, this fulfilled the Lord's "pleasure." These marriages had not been allowed by God in the first place (Deut. 7:2-3). Both the husbands and wives were free to remarry and begin again.

5. Priests were not permitted to marry a divorced woman.

• Leviticus 21:7 They shall not take a wife that is a whore, or profane; neither shall they take a woman put away from her husband: for he is holy unto his God.

This passage goes on to list other physical qualifications that would bar him from becoming a priest (vs. 18-19): lameness, blindness, a broken foot, a broken hand, a bad back, a dwarf, or 'he that hath a flat nose'! Compare these with the qualifications of a Bishop/Elder today in I Timothy 3: 1-13. If we do not recognize the unfolding changes made in God’s dealings with mankind, men with bad backs or flat noses would be out of the ministry today!

6. God hates divorce.

• Mal 2:16 For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. “Putting away” is a term for divorce.

Although God hates divorce, all divorce is not sin. Divorce is a manifestation of the fact that we are sinners. God has never permitted adultery in any dispensation, but He has permitted divorce in every dispensation and regulated it. Every divorce is not wrong; otherwise God could not have divorced Israel because God is not unrighteous and He cannot sin.

Now we have come to the New Testament. Before we examine the differences in the divorce laws that the Lord initiated, I am going to briefly explain how the New Testament is "rightly divided."

Rightly Dividing the New Testament

II Timothy 2:15 is either ignored or misinterpreted by Christians. This has led to confusion and doctrinal differences between Christians. For instance, the Bible says that you shouldn't eat pork or shellfish in Leviticus 11. Yet I Timothy 4:1-5 says you can eat anything you can say thanks to God over in prayer. Either the Bible is contradicting itself or there is a division somewhere that must be observed. This example is an obvious one, however, and the division between the Old Testament and the New Testament is easily recognizable and accepted. There are also divisions within the Old Testament. The most obvious two are before the Law and after the Law. Noah could eat anything (Genesis 9:3), but Israel could not (Leviticus 11). Abraham and Sarah married with the Lord's blessing even though they had the same father (Genesis 20:12), while the Israelites were forbidden to marry close kin (Leviticus 18:6). God never changes, but he does change his rules and regulations in his dealings with different people at different times. That is why he commands us to "rightly divide!" If we don't, then there are “contradictions” in His instructions!

We make a huge error in believing that all the New Testament automatically applies doctrinally to the Church. All of the Bible is written FOR US, but not all of the Bible is written TO US or ABOUT US!!! But it is in that very New Testament that a Christian is commanded to "rightly divide"! If we fail to do that, there will be serious contradictions and confusion.

The Bible says that the New Testament didn't come into effect until after Christ died.

• Hebrews 9: 15-17 And for this cause he is the mediator of the new testament, that by means of death, for the redemption of the transgressions that were under the first testament, they which are called might receive the promise of eternal inheritance. 16: For where a testament is, there must also of necessity be the death of the testator. 17: For a testament is of force after men are dead: otherwise it is of no strength at all while the testator liveth.

Doctrinally speaking, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John deal with the nation of Israel under the Mosaic Law. As Matthew begins, it is obvious that God is still dealing with Israel. Luke confirmed that in the book of Acts 3:25a, 26 …Ye are the children of the prophets...26 Unto you first God, having raised up his Son Jesus, having sent him to bless you.

Paul confirms that Jesus' earthly ministry was to Israel. Romans 15:8 Now I say that Jesus Christ was a minister of the circumcision for the truth of God, to confirm to promises made unto the fathers.

Jesus said Matthew 15:24b ...I am not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel.

Jesus commanded his disciples to go to Israel only! Matthew 10:5b,6 Go not into the way of the Gentiles, and into any city of the Samaritans enter ye not: 6 But go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.

Jesus prophesied that Israel would lose its standing with God. Matthew 21:43 Therefore say I unto you, The kingdom of God shall be taken from you, and given to a nation bringing forth the fruits thereof.

This “setting aside of the nation of Israel” was temporary. According to the Bible, Israel will one day become God’s blessed nation again.

• Romans 11:25,26 For I would not, brethren, that ye should be ignorant of this mystery, lest ye should be wise in your own conceits; that the blindness in part is happened to Israel, until the fulness of the Gentiles be come in. 26 And so all Israel shall be saved.

The coming of the Messiah is the fulfilling of Old Testament Jewish prophecy. (Matthew 5:17,18) All through the Old Testament the Jews are waiting for their King to come and set up His kingdom. John the Baptist preached that the "kingdom is at hand." Jesus preached the "gospel of the kingdom." (Matthew 4:23; 5:12; 10:7) Careful reading shows that this is not the gospel of I Corinthians 15:1-4.

The above referenced verses evidence three distinct time periods or divisions. The first is a continuation of the Old Testament into the gospels (Matthew---John) where God is dealing with the nation of Israel. The second begins when God temporarily sets Israel aside and reveals His new program with the Church. Paul explains this new Grace Dispensation in his epistles of Romans to Philemon. These books contain doctrine for “new creatures” (II Cor. 5:17-21). The third section of Scripture (Hebrews through Revelation) deals with the Tribulation and Millennial reign of Jesus.

There are differences in the Lord's instructions in these three dispensations and they are contradictory unless these Bible divisions are recognized.

Divorce and Remarriage Regulations given during Christ's Earthly Ministry
that will apply during the Tribulation and Millennium

Matthew chapters 5 through 19 is the “Constitution” for the Millennial Kingdom of the Lord Jesus Christ here on earth. For 1000 years He will sit as King on the throne of David and rule the entire earth. The “Constitution” of this future kingdom is not identical to the Old Testament Law of Moses. Jesus made changes to the Mosaic Law by taking it to a higher level by explaining the “spirit” of the Law as opposed to the “letter” of the Law.

• Matthew 5:27 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
• Matthew 5:33 Again, ye have heard that it hath been said by them of old time, Thou shalt not forswear thyself, but shalt perform unto the Lord thine oaths: 34 But I say unto you, Swear not at all; neither by heaven; for it is God's throne;
• Matthew 5:38 Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: 39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.
• Matthew 5:43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.

During Christ's earthly ministry that is recorded in the four gospels, the Mosaic Law was still in effect and enforced. But Jesus taught a higher standard. He instituted these changes so that man might see that the wickedness of outward disobedience came from the sinfulness of the heart and that the heart was so sinful that no Law could cleanse it.

1. The only legally sufficient basis for divorce was fornication. A man could no longer divorce his wife for “some uncleanness” as under the Mosaic Law.

• Matthew 19:3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? (This is a reference to Deuteronomy 24:1)
• Matthew 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
• Mark 10:3-4 And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? 4 And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.

The Pharisees had just quoted their authority---Moses. Jesus is going to refer them to a higher authority---God.

· Matthew 19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

2. A woman could divorce her husband but she could not remarry without committing adultery.

• Mark 10:12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

I am free to speculate how this verse was applied 2,000 years ago in Jewish culture. However, as a grace believer, it is not imperative that I get the right interpretation based on the intricacies of Greek words or Jewish customs. Mark 10:12 does not regulate marriage, divorce or remarriage for me. Here are three possible interpretations: 1. Jesus could be saying that Jewish women were now being allowed to legally divorce their husbands whereas in the past only a man could divorce his wife. 2. He could also be saying that women were legally divorcing their husbands but if they married another man the woman was committing adultery. 3. Or Jesus could be saying that women were illegally divorcing their husbands and getting remarried and thus committing adultery. We can not know for sure if Jesus is permitting something new or restricting something sinful in this verse; thankfully we do not have to.

The Lord's instructions recognized "guilty" and "innocence" parties. The innocent party was free to remarry but the guilty party would become an adulterer upon remarriage.

3. Jesus recognized divorce.

• John 4:16-18 Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither. 17 The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband: 18 For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly.)

Jesus told her that she had “well said” she had 5 husbands in the past. This woman was living under the Mosaic Law and was not allowed to divorce her husband. Therefore we can speculate that she had been legally divorced by five previous men for “some uncleanness”. There was no prohibition about her remarriage other than she could not remarry her first husband even if her subsequent husband died. Apparently this was a complicated woman. She must have been fairly attractive since she had no trouble getting five men to propose marriage to her. But once she got them, they found out it takes more than looks to make a marriage. As the old saying goes, “Beauty is only skin deep but ugly is to the bone; Beauty will always fade away but ugly holds its own.” This woman had “some uncleanness” and five husbands could not live with it. It is fairly obvious that although this woman gave up on marriage, she did not give up on men!

Another possible interpretation of this passage is this woman had been widowed five times and she couldn’t get the sixth man to marry her based on the fact her previous five husbands had “mysteriously” died. Would you have wanted to be her sixth husband? The story is told of a lady who married a millionaire and divorced him; she then married a circus owner and divorced him; she married a preacher and divorced him; finally she married a mortician. When asked by a friend why she had married all these men she replied, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go.” Also, notice that “living with a man” (which she was presently doing) did not constitute a marriage or make him her husband.

4. Jesus discussed marriage, divorce and remarriage with His disciples covering three different time periods. It is very important to see that Matthew 19:3-9 is a “dispensationally sensative” passage. Notice those 3 time periods all pertain to ISRAEL --- not to the Body of Christ:

1) “In the beginning” ....that was BEFORE the Law (in the book of Genesis).

2) “Moses permitted it”.....that was UNDER the Mosaic Law.

3) “But I say unto you”.... that was FUTURE in Kingdom Law - when Jesus rules as King on the earth.

Let’s look at the main verse that is commonly called “the exception clause” that regulated divorce and remarriage in Israel during the ministry of Jesus. It is recorded more than once in the Bible (see Matt. 5:31-32).

· Matt. 19: 9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

The Bible defines the word fornication for us by recording the story of the pending divorce between Joseph and Mary. In the Jewish culture, a woman would become betrothed to a man. It was sort of like our common day engagement, except their betrothal was a legally binding contract and the only way to be released was divorce. To “betroth” was to promise "by one's truth." Men and women were betrothed when they were engaged to be married. This usually took place a year or more before marriage. From the time of betrothal the woman was regarded as the lawful wife of the man to whom she was betrothed (Deut. 28:30; Judges14:2, 8; Matt. 1:18-21). If a woman was found to have had sexual relations during the time of her betrothal, it was called fornication, because she was still supposed to be a virgin since the “official marriage ceremony” had not yet taken place and the marriage had not yet been consummated by sexual relations with her husband.

Therefore, if a woman was found guilty of sex before her actual marriage, yet while betrothed, her “husband” (as he was even then called) was allowed to put her away or divorce her because he would have still been sexually pure. Now, watch this evidenced in the scriptures concerning Mary and Joseph about the conception of Jesus: (Matt 1:18-19 Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. 19 Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily.)

The Bible also uses another word in talking about marriage in the context of the Jewish nation---espouse. (2 Sam. 3:14). The espousal was a ceremony of betrothing---a formal agreement between the parties then coming under obligation for the purpose of marriage. But the Holy Ghost intervened, and stopped Joseph from divorce in the next verse: (Matt. 1: 20 But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost.”

They were called “husband and wife” during the betrothal period, but they had not “consummated” their marriage yet as verse 18 specifically said it was “before they came together.” This concept is further seen when the angel Gabriel appeared to the virgin Mary to announce her conception: (Luke 1:34 Then said Mary unto the angel, How shall this be, seeing I know not a man? (Luke 2:3-5 And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. 4 And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)5 To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.)

Although God worked out the details of this reconciliation between Mary and Joseph, the Jews saw it as an opportunity to insult Jesus about His illegitimate birth, knowing that His mother was pregnant with Him BEFORE she was actually married: (John 8:37-41 I know that ye are Abraham's seed; but ye seek to kill me, because my word hath no place in you. 38 I speak that which I have seen with my Father: and ye do that which ye have seen with your father. 39 They answered and said unto him, Abraham is our father. Jesus saith unto them, If ye were Abraham's children, ye would do the works of Abraham. 40 But now ye seek to kill me, a man that hath told you the truth, which I have heard of God: this did not Abraham. 41 Ye do the deeds of your father. Then said they to him, We be not born of fornication; we have one Father, even God.)

The above referenced verses may sound very familiar to you because they are the rules that many Christians claim govern divorce and remarriage today. Please notice that at the time these were given, Christ hadn't been crucified or resurrected. There were no Christians present---only Sabbath keeping, circumcised, pork abstaining Jews. He was not addressing Gentiles. After the resurrection and the nation of Israel's rejection of Jesus as Messiah through the preaching of Stephen in Acts 7, a new dispensation began (Grace Eph. 3:1-4). Paul, the apostle to the Gentiles, is saved in Acts 9. There was such a problem between Paul and the Twelve Disciples preaching two different Gospels to two different groups of people (Israel and the Church) that they had to have a big apostolic meeting in Acts 15 to straighten out the confusion between the two groups. A new dispensation had begun and once more the marriage, divorce and remarriage laws are going to change and this time the changes apply to Church Age Christians!

Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the Dispensation of Grace

There are two passages in the thirteen epistles of Paul (Romans to Philemon) where marriage, divorce and remarriage are discussed.

1. Understand who you are married to as a Christian.

· Romans 7:1-4 Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? 2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. 3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. 4 Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God.

Although Romans 7 appears to be discussing marriage and divorce (the word divorce is not found in the passage), upon a closer examination of the context it is clear that Paul is using a Mosaic Law marriage as an illustration to explain to Jewish and Gentile Christians in Rome what happened to them when they became “new creatures” in Christ Jesus as a result of believing the gospel. These believers were living in the midst of a dispensational change from Law to Grace; from Israel to the Church; from a performance based system to an identity based system. They were not sure about their obligation to the law based system of Israel and the grace based system of the Church. As a result, they were trying to keep a relationship with both of them. Paul explains that a Christian’s relationship to the ceremonial Law of Moses has been taken out of the way. The law did not die but Jesus did and He nailed the ceremonial law system to His cross. Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross; (Col. 2: 14) Christians are now married to the resurrected Christ and His program of grace to the Church. Under Mosaic Law if a woman enters a second marriage while still married to her first husband she becomes an adulteress. Similarly, if we try to keep a relationship to both ceremonial law and grace we are adulterers. We have escaped out of our marriage to our first husband by the death of Christ. We are now in Christ through the Gospel and are thus free to be married to Him.

2. Understand the primary purpose of marriage in the dispensation of grace.

• I Corinthians 7:1-2 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

One thing is clear; the Word of God here condemns polygamy, "wife swapping," trial marriages, free love, “shacking up” and all the immoral practices so prevalent in Paul’s day and in our own day.

This whole passage emphasizes the importance of avoiding immorality and on showing to the world the wholesomeness of Christian marriage. Don’t make the mistake of supposing that marriage is meant just for the gratification of the fleshly desires, or that it is a "fun thing," meant to give some kind of thrill. This is what makes for unhappy marriages, often ending in divorce, with all its bitterness and heartache.

God created the human sexual drive and He provided for its expression between a husband and wife with His blessing. Any sexual activity outside marriage does not have God's blessing and is called either adultery or fornication.

3. Understand what Paul meant when he urged “all men to abide even as I”.

• I Cor. 7:7-9 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. 8: I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9: But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

Paul is not saying that he wanted all men to be unmarried or widows, for that would undermine both the divine institution of marriage ordained by God in Genesis and Paul’s own inspired instructions (I Tim. 5:14 “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”) Rather he expresses the desire that all men were able to contain their passions as, by the grace of God, he had been able to do. This is the more scriptural meaning in the light of what follows: "But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner and another after that.” Paul recognizes that while for some the unmarried state presents no problem at all, these are in the minority, so that where this does present a problem "Let them marry” (vs. 9).

It must not be overlooked that Paul makes these statements in this chapter, with "the present distress” and persecution in view (vs. 26) and under these circumstances, to encourage a life wholly devoted to Christ, free from family cares (vs. 32-35). Paul had personally experienced how persecution had raged in the city of Corinth (Acts 18:6-12; 1 Cor. 2:3; 11 Cor. 7:5).

These verses have caused some to conclude that Paul held a very low opinion of marriage. Quite the contrary! The Holy Spirit had used Paul to specifically address the honorable estate of marriage in Ephesians 5. In this passage, Paul reflects back on the work of God in the Garden when He instituted marriage between Adam and Eve and pronounced it good. God could just as easily have placed a single man and a single woman in the Garden to carry out His divine plan on earth. But He chose for them to be husband and wife rather than next door neighbors, close friends, fellow laborers or boyfriend and girlfriend. Paul reminds us of God’s design for marriage and compares it to the supernatural experience of salvation.

• Ephesians 5:30-32 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31: For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32: This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

Therefore, we can be confident that Paul is not saying that God now prefers a life of singleness for Christian men and women.

Further, Paul largely depended on married couples for hospitality and for assistance throughout his 30 year ministry. He commended and acknowledged, by name, the many Christian “households” that had helped him in some way with the Gospel of the Grace of God and the “revelation of the mystery”.

• Rom. 16:1-16 Greet Priscilla and Aquila my helpers in Christ Jesus: 4: Who have for my life laid down their own necks: unto whom not only I give thanks, but also all the churches of the Gentiles. 5: Likewise greet the church that is in their house. Salute my wellbeloved Epaenetus, who is the firstfruits of Achaia unto Christ. 6: Greet Mary, who bestowed much labour on us. 7: Salute Andronicus and Junia, my kinsmen, and my fellowprisoners, who are of note among the apostles, who also were in Christ before me. 8: Greet Amplias my beloved in the Lord. 9: Salute Urbane, our helper in Christ, and Stachys my beloved. 10: Salute Apelles approved in Christ. Salute them which are of Aristobulus' household. 11: Salute Herodion my kinsman. Greet them that be of the household of Narcissus, which are in the Lord. 12: Salute Tryphena and Tryphosa, who labour in the Lord. Salute the beloved Persis, which laboured much in the Lord. 13: Salute Rufus chosen in the Lord, and his mother and mine. 14: Salute Asyncritus, Phlegon, Hermas, Patrobas, Hermes, and the brethren which are with them. 15: Salute Philologus, and Julia, Nereus, and his sister, and Olympas, and all the saints which are with them.

There are at least two reasons why Paul recommends Christian singles and widows to remain unmarried:

1. Marriage requires that we think of our responsibilities to our spouse as we seek to serve the Lord.

• 1 Cor. 7:32-35 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: 33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.”

Obviously, having a spouse demands time and care for them and if you don’t have a spouse, then you are freer to serve the Lord without having to consider the daily care of another person.

2. During times of persecution, it is better to remain single.

• I Cor. 7:26 I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be. Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned....Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.

The key phrase here is “the present distress.” Paul admonishes the Corinthians that, under the circumstances, it was in their best interest not to marry if they were single. The blood of the martyrs had already begun to run through the streets of the Roman Empire and the apostle knew that the persecution would soon intensify. History records that many Christians had to seek refuge in the catacombs. Back then it cost something to name the name of Christ, as seen in Paul’s words to the saints at Thessalonica: “So that we ourselves glory in you in the churches of God for your patience and faith in all your persecutions and tribulations that ye endure” (II Thes. 1:4). Paul knew the heartache couples would experience when Christian husbands were put in the arena with lions. It is only wise then that we read…“Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.” Paul adds, “But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn,” that is, with lustful desire. Interestingly, those who do go ahead and marry at such times have not sinned. But they do leave themselves susceptible to suffer trouble in the flesh at the hands of evildoers (I Cor. 7:9, 27, 28). So then, Paul is not the prude some make him out to be. He was simply concerned about the welfare of the saints.

But how does a Christian determine if they have the gift of marriage? Since singleness is the exception to the rule, this is fairly easy to determine. Those who have this gift desire to be married. They are uncomfortable with the thought of being single the rest of their life. Singles customarily spend a lot of time dreaming about one day having their own home and eventually a family. And both young men and women almost always will feel life is passing them by if they aren’t married by age 28. In short, those who have the gift of marriage are usually consumed with the thought. Paul says, “one after this manner, and another after that.” In other words, some have the gift of marriage while others have the gift of singleness. Those who have the latter gift are given a special measure of grace to remain single. As we know, celibacy has always been closely associated with religious monks or priests who live cloistered lives. However, if those who piously participate in these religious orders do not have the gift of celibacy, it will inevitably end in sexual sin. True celibacy is a gift from God. Those who possess this gift have no desire to be married. This also applies to those who never remarry after the death of their partner. They find their sufficiency in Christ and normally are perfectly content to live alone. “The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit....” While the married woman has contentment through a Christ-centered marriage, the unmarried woman finds fulfillment by consecrating herself wholly to the things of the Lord.

4. Instructions for Christian marriages.

I Cor. 7:10 "And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband. But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.”

· A Christian married woman is commanded by the Lord not to depart from her Christian husband. If she disregards this command and moves forward with a divorce, she is then instructed to remain unmarried or be reconciled to her former husband. Similarly, a Christian man is commanded not to initiate a divorce against his Christian wife.

If you are curious as to why the Lord commands the wife to "remain unmarried,” but does not specifically say the same rules apply to the husband, go on down to verse 27 and you will find that Christian husbands are also prohibited from marrying another woman if he initiates a divorce from his Christian wife. Therefore, the Christian who toys with the idea of divorcing his/her spouse had better think it over carefully and prayerfully, because God makes no provision for remarriage other than to your former spouse.

Note carefully in verse 27 the words "loosed from," not "have you loosed yourself from a wife." This clearly refers to the person who has been divorced by his/her spouse. He/she did not initiate a divorce. He/she wanted the marriage to continue, but their spouse insisted otherwise and obtained a divorce and so has now been "loosed from" a spouse. The person described in vs. 27 has been divorced by his wife and this is the party whose situation has so often been overlooked in discussions on the divorce and remarriage question. In vs. 15 where a non-Christian spouse has initiated a divorce and vs. 28 where a Christian spouse has initiated a divorce, the spouse that has been abandoned is permitted to remarry without any wrongdoing;

5. Instructions for mixed marriages (Christians who are married to non-Christians).

I Cor. 7: 12-16 “But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: if any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband: or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?”

• Verse 12 says “but to the rest speak I, not the Lord”. This does not deny the divine inspiration of Paul’s words. He simply means that it was not part of the special revelation he received from the Lord. In verse 25 he confirms this interpretation by his statement: "Now concerning virgins, I have no commandment of the Lord. . . .” He is not commenting on the subject of divine inspiration, but rather that of "the revelation of Jesus Christ" to him…For I certify you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached of me is not after man . . . . but by the revelation of Jesus Christ. ( Gal 1:11, 12). Everything in Paul's epistles was divinely inspired according to II Tim. 3:16 and II Pet. 3:16, where "all his [Paul's] epistles" are called "the Scriptures”. Paul is not telling us that verse 12 is not inspired or that he is merely giving us his opinion and we can take it or leave it. Paul is the Apostle of the Gentiles. We are admonished numerous times to follow Paul because he was following Jesus. Paul is taking what God has commanded in verse 10 and then demonstrating how a grace believer applies revealed truth to the details of life in verse 12. Therefore, verse 12 is just as inspired as verse 10.

• A Christian man or woman is prohibited from initiating a divorce from his/her unbelieving spouse. But what if the unbeliever insists on a divorce? In that case, says the apostle, do not contest the divorce but "let him depart,” adding "A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases; but God hath called us to peace” (vs. 15). The reason the Holy Spirit gave for prohibiting a Christian from initiating a divorce is found in verse 16… “For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband: or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?”

6. Instructions to Virgins (those who had never been married).

I Cor. 7:25-28 Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful. I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be. Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.

Paul had "no commandment from the Lord" relating to virgins under the then-present circumstances at Corinth. No fixed rule could be laid down which might not lead to license on the one hand, or undue restraint on the other. Thus the apostle gives only his judgment based on the conditions at Corinth at that time. And he adds that those who do not follow his judgment are not necessarily guilty of any wrongdoing.

7. Instructions to Christian wives about marriage, divorce and remarriage.

I Cor. 7:39,40 "The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.”

A Christian wife is “bound by the law as long as her husband liveth.” In this dispensation there are no grounds for obtaining a divorce. The marriage tie is binding for life. The "writing of divorcement" that Moses gave the hard-hearted sons of Israel is no rule for us. And even the one exception, fornication, which our Lord allowed, was based on the fact that Jehovah's wife, Israel, had to be divorced because of her many adulteries. Thank God, she will be restored and reunited again to her true Husband (Jer. 3:20; cf. Isa. 54:5-8). Christian wives are permitted to remarry upon the death of their husbands but only to a Christian.

Conclusion

Let me state clearly that I am not a proponent of divorce. However, it is possible for a Christian to hold a higher standard with regard to marriage than our Lord Himself. There are many sincere Christians who have done this down through the years. Although I would never counsel my sons or daughter to seek a divorce from their spouse, they should never quit serving the Lord simply because their husband or wife quit them.

Rely on the plain teaching of the Bible, rightly divided, and give your brothers and sisters in Christ a hand down from the cross that sincere Christians have placed them on because of a divorce.

Preparation for Marriage

Normally the procedure for choosing the right partner for life begins on the wrong foot. The counsel of the world goes something like this: appearance, compatibility, education, and financial status. Unfortunately, Christians have been so influenced by the world these days that believers seem to also have the idea that these factors insure a happy marriage relationship. Don’t misunderstand me, there’s nothing wrong with having the same interests or a good education or being financially responsible. These things are indeed commendable, but believers who make them the foundation of their marriage relationship are like the man who built his house upon the sand. “And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.” (Matt. 7:27)

Believers in Christ should begin their search for Mr. or Mrs. Right according to the pattern of God’s Word. The four essentials for a Christ-centered marriage are: salvation, spirituality, convictions, and a willingness to solve problems through a biblically established order (see the next section on submission). Salvation is the first essential, simply because believers are not to be unequally yoked to unbelievers. It is God’s will that believers only marry in the Lord. “...she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord” (I Cor. 7:39). “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” (II Cor. 6:14). Those who violate this provision for our joy will only heap sorrow upon themselves. A young lady may have good intentions that she will reach her fiancé for Christ after they are married, but this is seldom the case. The fact is, the unbeliever normally draws the believer away into the things of the world. An unsaved husband can be a good provider and be faithful to his wife; however, he can not fellowship with his wife in the gospel. This will provide a source of dissatisfaction in the marriage.

SUBMISSION

“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the Head of the Church: and He is the Savior of the Body. Therefore as the Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing” (Eph. 5:21-24).

We are about to tread upon ground where most pastors fear to tread. The ground we speak of is the woman’s role of submission. The term “submit” is “primarily a military term, which denotes to rank under or to arrange. Of course, the Church has been so influenced by the world that it has buckled under to the philosophy that any form of submission is demeaning. We are told today that the woman’s role of submission makes her inferior and therefore her role is less important. The problem lies with our understanding of the term submission. For example, every time you attend a worship service, you’re submitting yourself to someone’s ministry. Every time you walk through the door where you are employed, you’re placing yourself under the authority of another. Every time you drive down the highway, you’re submitting yourself to the laws of the road. Every time you pay your income taxes, you’re submitting to the governmental powers that be. Does that suggest that you are inferior, less intelligent, less adequate, or less worthwhile? No! Submission, has to do with order. It’s the lubrication that cuts down the friction between relationships. It causes things to run smoothly in the home, the government, and society when it is in ample supply. Children need it in response to their parents; wives for their husbands; and husbands for the Lord. I doubt there is a Christian wife reading these lines who would dispute Christ’s Headship over the Church. As members of the Body of Christ we have willingly placed ourselves under His authority. “Therefore as the Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing” (Eph. 5:24). Thus, the wife’s role of submission to her husband is a divine representation of a much higher truth.

Wisdom from Proverbs about Marriage:

• Prov. 12:4 A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
• Prov. 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
• Prov. 19:14 House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.
• Prov. 31:10-11, 28 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
• Prov. 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
• Prov. 25:24 It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.